I don't know why I am so emotional these days. I feel like i am crying or waiting to cry! Its so stupid! I look at Dane and I am filled with this love hate waterfall! I remember it all so clearly. His first step his first seizure all in the same week! the hospital stays the testing, the ICUs all over the world,psychological testing,spinal taps,OT,PT SLP,EEG tests tests and more tests. All at the ripe age of 24!!! I am proud of myself and filled with anger all at the same time! Joy for having a son that has given me purpose but pissed off because it's not the purpose I wanted!!!!! Life is funny that way isn't it? Surprises around every corner! Who would have thought I'd be married to the most amazing man and live this life of privilege entwined with all this hardship! I suppose God wanted to keep me from getting bored.
I certainly don't have time for that!
You see Dane goes to bed running his mouth and wakes still running it! there is never a silent moment with the kid. I keep asking God why didn't i get the kid that plays video games and watches tv for hours on end. NO i have to get the kid that is into mass finance. I am in the midst of writing a letter to Virgin America or Barclay bank asking them how he was able to apply for a credit card for him and his 84 yr old grandmother and pay off my $1700. American Express bill with their newly opened acct. I thank God grandma has a strong heart because she got the credit card and the $1700. bill all in the same envelope! And there was Dane with a grin from ear to ear proud of his accomplishment.
He astounds me everyday with what he is capable of. But I am overwhelmed with fear of his future right now.
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